The preview said five of six openers were inside six points and that somewhere in there was a forty-point blowout nobody saw coming. Both turned out to be true, in the same afternoon. Yael put up 174 and beat the whole league on paper, the commissioner lost by 8.8 while leaving 31 on his bench, and a starting quarterback finished on minus two.
Three running backs - Gibbs 33, Walker 33, Jeanty 32 - put up 98 of it between them. Yael went 11-0 against the field, the only clean sheet on the board, and finished 56.3 points clear of his own projection. Four finals and no rings, and the sixteenth season opens with the best number in the league.
Parker Washington scored 19 on the bench while Terry McLaurin started for 3. Chuba Hubbard scored 22 on the bench while Jadarian Price started for 7. Either swap on its own covers the 8.8 he lost by, which is the commissioner's own arithmetic and he is welcome to check it.
Joe scored 98.2, the eleventh-best number of the twelve, and drew the twelfth. Against any other lineup in the league he loses; against Tayler he is 1-0. His kicker outscored his quarterback 14.2 to 4, and none of that goes in the standings either.
The fifth-best score of the week, a winning number against seven of the eleven teams he was not playing, and he drew the 174. Stairway to Seven sits at 0-1 holding the seventh seed, which is the last one that matters. Justin Jefferson's 29 deserved a different Sunday.
Projected 16.1, started in 60.9% of leagues, finished as the best single performance of week 1. The commissioner is recused from writing anything kind about his own team, so here is the number and nothing else. He lost.
Projected for 14.7, flagged questionable, started in 8.7% of leagues, and he did not merely fail to help - he took points off the board. The defending champion also left Jalen Coker's 33 on the bench to start A.J. Brown for 5, a 28-point swap in a game he lost by 25.
Watson was projected 10.7 and scored 32, the biggest overperformance of the week, out of a flex slot. Isaiah Likely added 27 on a 9.3 projection at tight end. Two players nobody planned around produced 59 of Misa's 127.2.
The only game inside ten points, decided by 8.8. Josh Allen returned 35 on the $55 nobody else wanted to spend, and the Steelers defence added 18. Benji also left 33 points on his bench, more than anyone in the league, and won anyway, which is the most Benji outcome available.
One point. Bhayshul Tuten scored 9 on the bench, Omarion Hampton started and scored 8, and that is the entire list of things Toño got wrong. Zay Flowers 26, Lamar Jackson 24, DJ Moore 21, and a 25-point win with nothing left over.
The highest projected lineup on the board at 118.2, and he set it almost perfectly: two points left, second-best rating in the league. Jalen Hurts - one of the two $5 quarterbacks he refused to choose between - scored 24. It made no difference at all.
Evan McPherson outscored Ja'Marr Chase, Rome Odunze and J.K. Dobbins combined - 19.2 against 13. The thinnest bench in the league turned out not to matter, because Oriol left only 7 points on it and won by 25. Chase missed his projection by 15.9 and it was somebody else's problem.
Forty-seven and a half points under projection in a first-ever Lizama League game, and the preview had her as the biggest favorite on the board. Jaxson Dart scored 26 from the bench behind Justin Herbert's 12 - the preview named that exact problem four days early. Fourteen weeks left, and nobody here has a shorter memory than a league that has been going since 2011.
Potatoe has reached the final in 2015, 2018, 2020 and 2023 and lost every one. Season sixteen opens with the highest score in the league and the only unbeaten record against the field.
The preview promised a forty-point blowout nobody saw coming. It came in at forty-six, and the team that has lost four finals is the one that threw it.
Top 7 make the playoffs. Ties broken by total points scored.
| Seed | Team | Record | PF | PA | Streak | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | – | Potatoe Yael |
1-0 | 174.0 | 128.0 | W1 |
| 2 | – | Firebreathing Platypuses Oriol |
1-0 | 137.2 | 112.2 | W1 |
| 3 | – | Seitseman Toño |
1-0 | 131.0 | 106.0 | W1 |
| 4 | – | Suzaku Benji |
1-0 | 129.0 | 120.2 | W1 |
| 5 | – | Obsidians Misa |
1-0 | 127.2 | 111.0 | W1 |
| 6 | – | Photofreak Joe |
1-0 | 98.2 | 66.0 | W1 |
| 7 | – | Stairway to Seven Mario |
0-1 | 128.0 | 174.0 | L1 |
| 8 | – | Balrogs Uriel |
0-1 | 120.2 | 129.0 | L1 |
| 9 | – | Mean Machine Sam |
0-1 | 112.2 | 137.2 | L1 |
| 10 | – | Dan Robot Dan Robot (bot) |
0-1 | 111.0 | 127.2 | L1 |
| 11 | – | Windwaker Jordi |
0-1 | 106.0 | 131.0 | L1 |
| 12 | – | Terrible Towel, Mediocre Picks Tayler |
0-1 | 66.0 | 98.2 | L1 |
What you scored against the best lineup available from the players you already owned. 100 percent means nothing was left on the bench.
| Team | Scored | Best possible | Left behind | Rating | Biggest miss |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Seitseman Toño |
131.0 | 132.0 | 1.0 | 99% | Bhayshul Tuten (9.0) over Omarion Hampton (8.0) |
| Windwaker Jordi |
106.0 | 108.0 | 2.0 | 98% | Jordan Mason (11.0) over Saquon Barkley (9.0) |
| Firebreathing Platypuses Oriol |
137.2 | 144.2 | 7.0 | 95% | Tyler Allgeier (8.0) over J.K. Dobbins (3.0) |
| Potatoe Yael |
174.0 | 184.0 | 10.0 | 95% | Jared Goff (16.0) over Baker Mayfield (11.0) |
| Stairway to Seven Mario |
128.0 | 141.0 | 13.0 | 91% | Deebo Samuel Sr. (17.0) over Luther Burden III (9.0) |
| Obsidians Misa |
127.2 | 144.2 | 17.0 | 88% | Patrick Mahomes (21.0) over Joe Burrow (14.0) |
| Photofreak Joe |
98.2 | 118.2 | 20.0 | 83% | Tyler Shough (22.0) over Matthew Stafford (4.0) |
| Mean Machine Sam |
112.2 | 140.2 | 28.0 | 80% | Jalen Coker (33.0) over A.J. Brown (5.0) |
| Suzaku Benji |
129.0 | 162.0 | 33.0 | 80% | Dalton Kincaid (18.0) over Colston Loveland (0.0) |
| Balrogs Uriel |
120.2 | 151.2 | 31.0 | 80% | Parker Washington (19.0) over Terry McLaurin (3.0) |
| Terrible Towel, Mediocre Picks Tayler |
66.0 | 96.0 | 30.0 | 69% | Mike Evans (16.0) over Jaylen Waddle (1.0) |