Award 01
Top Dollar
Yael
Jahmyr Gibbs, $78
The single biggest bid of the night. Gibbs went for $1 more than Bijan and $16 more than CMC. Yael wanted him and made sure everyone knew it.
Eleven humans, one robot, $2,400, 180 players, and several decisions nobody can explain. Every award is based on the actual bids, the ESPN salary-cap values everyone saw on screen, and a value model the commissioner insists is neutral.
The single biggest bid of the night. Gibbs went for $1 more than Bijan and $16 more than CMC. Yael wanted him and made sure everyone knew it.
Paid elite-RB money for a quarterback in a league that scores 4 points per passing TD. By projection Allen is worth about $22 here; the ESPN value on screen was $39. Runner-up: Joe, $75 on JSN, the most expensive wide receiver of the draft.
Nominated by the commissioner, who had no intention of buying him. Sold for $21 over his ESPN value, the largest gap over market of any pick. The nomination strategy works, folks.
After Gibbs, Jeanty, Walker and McConkey the wallet closed: ten consecutive one-dollar spots, including the entire QB room (Mayfield and Goff, $1 each). Honorable mention: Oriol and Mario, nine apiece. Yael takes home three trophies and will need a bigger shelf.
Nacua ($69), Cook ($58) and Love ($48) took 88 percent of his budget. Oriol was one dollar behind at $173 and then bought Bowers with the change. Two managers, six players, $348.
Projected as a top-20 RB in this format and valued around $27, sold for $8 while everyone was still catching their breath from the Chase and St. Brown bids. Uriel's Rhamondre Stevenson at $12 would have won this, but the commissioner is recusing himself from his own awards. Mostly.
Nominated 15 players, won only 2, and the other 13 cost the rest of the league $234. Taylor ($70) and Lamb ($55) were both his nominations. Chaos agent of the draft.
Fifteen nominations, zero wins. Every player Sam put on the block went home with somebody else. Meanwhile he paid $50 over ESPN value across Henry, Nabers and A.J. Brown. A night of giving, from a two-time champion.
Finished the draft with $5 in his pocket in a format where a dollar is a roster spot. Also the only manager to draft two kickers and two defenses, spending $10 on special teams. The Special Teams Coordinator award ships in the same box.
Jonathan Taylor ($70) and JSN ($75) were bought before most managers had bid on anyone, leaving $55 for thirteen players. Seven of them cost $1.
Couldn't pick, so he bought both at the same price. Also spent $115 on Barkley and Lamb, the two names the market had most overpriced going in.
Josh Allen aside, this was the most evenly distributed roster in the league: eleven players between $2 and $27 and only one dollar-player. Benji contains multitudes.
The league's resident robot never bid above $45, drafted seven wide receivers, paid $39 for Trey McBride and $1 for its starting quarterback. It also did not talk once during the draft, which several humans could learn from. This is the only award a bot is eligible for.
The commissioner ran a spreadsheet during the draft and would like everyone to know the spreadsheet was neutral. Six RBs projected as starters, the deepest bench in the league, the highest projected lineup, and a four-ring resume. Also has three wide receivers total, so the spreadsheet was not perfect.
First time in the Lizama League, first salary cap draft, and she came out of it with a roster that projects sixth among the humans. The veterans with two rings each finished ninth and tenth. Just saying.
Team name of the year is not officially an award, but "Terrible Towel, Mediocre Picks" is the funniest thing anyone typed all draft. Welcome to the league, Tayler. The picks were better than mediocre.
Commissioner asterisk fully acknowledged. $334 of value for $200, the deepest bench in the league, and six RBs who all project as starters. He also owns exactly three wide receivers, so the spreadsheet is not perfect.
Chase, St. Brown and Bowers for $173, then nine one-dollar players. Second-best projected lineup and the thinnest bench by a mile. Stars and scrubs with total commitment, and he made everyone else pay $234 for his nominations while doing it.
CMC at $62 was the best price on any elite RB all night. Jefferson at $58 gave most of that edge back. Six WRs, four RBs, the third-best lineup, and two rings to remind everyone he knows how this ends.
Gibbs at $78 (top bid of the draft) and Jeanty at $59, a full $21 over his ESPN price. Then ten straight one-dollar picks. Fourth-best lineup, and the only manager whose entire QB room cost $2.
Nacua, Cook and Love for $175, the most top-heavy spend in the league. Fifth-best lineup, and the Burrow-plus-Mahomes QB pair cost $7 combined, which is objectively funny.
A rookie draft with only one $1 player on the whole roster. Achane at $61 was a bold anchor; Pickens and Etienne filled in behind him. Two quarterbacks for a one-QB league, $9 for the pair, so one of them sits every week. Sixth-best lineup on debut.
$55 on Josh Allen in a 4-point-passing-TD league where QB2 through QB9 are separated by 30 points. Also $3 on Fernando Mendoza, for $58 total on quarterbacks. Everything else about the roster is tidy and balanced, which makes the Allen bid funnier.
$145 on his first two picks: Taylor and JSN, the most expensive WR of the night. Then thirteen players for $55. The lineup projects eighth among humans; the two stars will have to carry it.
Two kickers, two defenses, $10 spent on special teams, and $5 left unspent at the buzzer. Hampton at $58 was the anchor. Two-time champion, so presumably this is part of a plan.
Lost every nomination he made (0 for 15) and paid a combined $50 over ESPN price for Henry, Nabers and A.J. Brown. Seven WRs. Tenth-best projected lineup, and two championships that say projections are for nerds.
Barkley and Lamb for $115, the market's two most overpriced names coming in. Lowest projected lineup among humans, but Hurts and Prescott at $5 each is a sound hedge if one of them gets hurt.